The Ice Rink That Used to Be My Yard

Right. Hello. I’m alive. Just — hibernating, basically.

I’m not going to pretend I have a good excuse for going quiet. The truth is it’s been cold and grey and relentlessly, insistently wet here in Tasmania, and I have discovered that when the weather is sufficiently miserable, my entire personality collapses into approximately three-metre radius around the fireplace. If it’s not within that radius, it doesn’t exist and I have no opinions about it. The outside world? Theoretical. The writing? Getting done, somehow. Leaving the house? A concept for bolder souls.

The animals have, as a group, been coping poorly with this arrangement.

The chickens have become a roving disaster. The yard is so slippery that they’re basically surfing between the garden beds, absolutely soaked, wildly offended that the sky keeps doing that wet thing, refusing to go inside and shelter, and loudly blaming me personally. The ducks, characteristically, are having the time of their lives. Geese are somewhere in between — philosophical about the rain, opinionated about the mud, unhelpful in every situation.

Then there are the sheep.

We’ve been hosting seven of them while they mow the lawn, which has been working out extremely well, right up until the afternoon I needed to get the car out of the driveway. I opened the gate just enough to squeeze through, which one sheep immediately interpreted as a personal invitation. Out he went. Fine — I thought — I’ll just circle around and push him back in. Logical. Sensible. What happened instead is that the remaining six, who had been watching this development with great interest, collectively decided that this was the moment. All of them. Through the gate. Down the street.

Which is how my neighbour and her five-year-old daughter ended up rounding up seven entrepreneurial sheep as they made their way through the main street of the village. They were absolutely magnificent about it, both of them. The sheep made a brief detour through the neighbour’s yard — seemed to feel it warranted inspection — and then, miraculously, the whole situation resolved itself much faster than it had any right to. Everyone back in. Gate secured. The five-year-old was thoroughly impressed by the entire performance and has since asked when it will happen again.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’m doing my absolute best to make sure it doesn’t.

Yesterday was partly sunny. Today is actually sunny. The ice rink is slowly becoming a yard again, which is good news for everyone involved, including the chickens, who remain very angry about the whole season.

On the writing front, because things have quietly been happening even while I was crouching by the fire pretending to be a comfortable medieval peasant: the developmental edits and line edits are done on the first three books in both the Pioneers and the Compass Point series. I’m half through the first draft of the magical realism and the first rural romance. Which means the first three books in each series are down to final proofreading only — and then it’s just the remaining forty-five and thirty-seven respectively to see through. Only. Only. Artwork is happening too, which means things are genuinely, really, actually moving, even if I’ve been doing it from the general vicinity of the hearth rug.

Jo went back to Queensland on Saturday and is reportedly finding it considerably warmer. Given that I watched her leave into the horizontal rain, I can only imagine.

The fire and I are doing fine.

More soon. 🖤

Well. Here We Are.

Hello, hello. It’s been a minute. Or possibly several minutes. Time has lost most of its meaning this past week and I’m choosing to blame the weather.

We’ve had the kind of Tasmanian winter days that feel less like weather and more like a personal opinion the sky has formed about you. Grey pressing down from all directions, rain that can’t decide if it wants to be dramatic or just persistently miserable, wind that rattles the old station house windows in a way that suggests the building has something to say and is working up to it. The cats — thirteen of them now, which is a sentence I am not yet fully at peace with — have been performing collective judgement from various soft surfaces. The geese have opinions. I’ve had very little motivation to argue with any of them.

I’ve also run out of my ADHD medication, which — if you know, you know. The scaffolding just quietly disappears and you’re left standing there blinking, vaguely aware that there was a thing you were going to do, possibly several things, possibly an entire career’s worth of things, and somehow none of them are happening. I keep meaning to fill the script. I will fill the script. This is me making a promise in public so I actually do it.

In the meantime I’ve been sleeping until what can only be described as the afternoon, waking up to find the morning has fully left without me, and spending the daylight hours doing a very convincing impression of someone who is resting intentionally rather than someone who has simply misplaced their operational software.

The author socials have slid. The Bella and Avery and Tara feeds that I had very carefully been nurturing back to life are sitting quietly on their respective platforms, not bothering anyone, probably fine. I’ll find them again. Right now I’m in the mode where I know the work is there and I know I’ll get back to it and I’m trying to be kind to myself about the gap rather than catastrophising.

Trying. Being kind to yourself is its own kind of work, it turns out.

The bright spot: the author copies of Almost Yours Again — Avery Beckett’s latest — arrived today, and tomorrow Bella Bruce’s Isolated is apparently on its way, which means by the end of the week this table is going to be significantly more stacked with books that have my words in them.

I held Almost Yours Again in my hands. A real physical object with a spine and pages and everything. I love it. I love it the way you love something you made when you weren’t sure you could, the way you love a thing that exists now when once it only existed in your head. I put it on the table and kept picking it up and putting it down and picking it up again. The cats remained unimpressed. Jo said it looked lovely. I cried a little, which is allowed.

And then, inevitably, the fear arrived alongside the love. What if nobody else loves it? What if the thing I made that feels precious to me lands in the world and the world just continues being the world, unmoved?

I don’t have an answer for that fear. I’m sitting with it. I expect most writers sit with it for the entirety of their careers, so at least it’s good company.

The other thing I’ve been sitting with — and this one is a different flavour of nerve-wracking — is an idea that’s been circling for a while. I’m working up to approaching the Community Progress Association about the possibility of putting together a small Writers Festival in town next year. Something local, something that celebrates Australian romance authors and the people who love them, something that fits the specific shape of where we live rather than trying to be a scaled-down version of something bigger somewhere else.

I haven’t done it yet. I’m in the screwing-up-courage phase, which for me involves a lot of internal rehearsal of conversations that may or may not go anything like how I’ve imagined them. But I think it’s a good idea. I think the town could hold it. And I think — if I can just get myself out the door and into the room — I might be able to make the case.

Watch this space. Or watch me continue to rehearse for another fortnight and then suddenly do it all at once. Either is possible.

— Suzy writing from the old station house, Tasmania, where thirteen cats currently disagree about who owns the good armchair

Sheep, Chaos and Eleven Days

It has been a full day at the old police station and I am going to tell you about all of it.

First, the writing update, because some of us are allegedly professional: the monthly blog posts for Tara and K.S. Buckley are done, Bella has a new post in the world, and there are eleven days until Isolated hits the market. Eleven. I am choosing to feel good about this rather than spiral, and I am succeeding approximately sixty percent of the time, which I consider a passing grade under the circumstances.

Now. The weather.

Today’s rain was not yesterday’s rain. Yesterday’s rain had conviction. Yesterday’s rain knew what it was doing and committed to it, offensively and without apology. Today’s rain was something altogether more Tasmanian — that particular coastal mist that means well, genuinely means well, but cannot find it within itself to either stop or be real rain. It is not enough to justify staying inside. It is not enough to require an umbrella. It is exactly enough to ensure that anyone who ventures outdoors comes back damp in that slow, creeping way that takes you a while to notice and longer to fix.

It is also, as I discovered during my outside adventures, exactly enough to render certain shoes entirely decorative.

I spent most of the afternoon feeling like I was on roller skates. Well-lubed roller skates. The kind with no brakes and an opinion about where you’re going regardless of your own preference on the matter. I remained upright for most of it through a combination of core strength and dignity I didn’t know I had. The mud had other ideas on at least one occasion and I will leave it at that.

And then there are the sheep.

We have seven of them at present, using our yard as what I can only describe as a bed and breakfast. Temporary guests. Passing through. Absolutely delighted with the accommodations, or so I assumed right up until this afternoon when they let themselves through one of the gates — by themselves, without assistance, apparently having worked out the latch through a combination of curiosity and structural disrespect — and went on an adventure of their own devising.

We chased them around for a bit. On the aforementioned well-lubed roller skates. I will not go into further detail. What matters is that order has been restored and the gate situation has been reconsidered.

The poultry watched the entire event with what I can only describe as tremendous satisfaction. They have been cooped up and fenced in and generally managed for weeks and watching someone else get chased around the property for a change clearly brought them great joy. I have no notes. I would have done the same.

And then there is braincell number two.

Big. Floofy. Ginger. Magnificently, implausibly fluffy in the way that suggests he may be approximately forty percent more cat than is strictly necessary. He has discovered the sheep and is processing this information in real time — oscillating between complete fascination and barely contained terror with the frequency of someone who cannot commit to either response but refuses to leave the situation. He cannot look away. He also cannot go any closer. He is simply there, enormous and fluffy and vibrating with conflicting feelings about hoofed things.

And then one of the sheep bleated.

I want to be precise about what happened next because it deserves accurate documentation. He did not simply startle. He did not flinch or skitter or perform the standard surprised cat retreat. What he did was something that can only be described as an almost-backflip — a full-body reversal of opinion executed at considerable speed, all four limbs briefly expressing different views about which direction to go, his magnificent floof temporarily achieving a volume I did not know was possible. He was, for one glorious moment, a ginger explosion of secondhand thoughts about sheep.

He recovered his dignity. Eventually. He would like you to know he was never frightened. He was simply reassessing.

The sheep were unbothered.

I find all of this extremely relatable.

Eleven days.

🖤 🏒

Frightful Weather, Small Consolations, and Amazon Being a Dragon

The weather today was, in a word, awful.

In more words: the rain was insistent and relentless and entirely without charm, the kind of rain that doesn’t have the decency to be dramatic about it and just settles in with its bags unpacked and its feet up, prepared to stay indefinitely. There was nothing delightful about any of it and I say that as someone who does not, in principle, object to rain. This was not rain you could enjoy from a window with a cup of tea. This was rain that was making a point.

I had to go to town anyway because groceries do not materialise simply because the weather is demoralising, and the drive was exactly as hairy as the sky promised it would be. I made it there. I made it back. The house was rewarded for this act of meteorological bravery with Subway for dinner, which is not nothing. Some days the consolation prize is genuinely consoling.

The cross stitch subscription box arrived, which is exciting and being treated accordingly — which is to say it’s sitting there looking full of potential while I decide the right moment to open it properly. These things deserve the right moment. I’ll know it when I find it.

In the meantime I have been making a colouring book.

This is for the Meandering Book Nook — the wandering bookshop project, for those just joining us — and I’m not entirely sure yet whether it will become a regular fixture or whether it will remain an occasional thing. My instinct says occasional themed colouring books are probably going to be a permanent feature of the Nook’s life, because they feel right in a way that is difficult to articulate but easy to act on. We’ll see how the first one lands and go from there.

And then there is the other thing.

I would like to report that Isolated is out in the world and Bella Bruce’s author page is live and everything is proceeding beautifully on the hockey romance front. I would very much like to report that. Unfortunately what I am actually reporting is that Amazon has decided to be an absolute bitch about the whole thing and is currently sitting on both the book approval and the author page like a very bureaucratic dragon on a very unhelpful pile of gold.

I don’t have details beyond that. There are no details beyond that. There is just the waiting and the refreshing and the particular helpless frustration of having done everything right and then handed the whole thing to a platform that operates on its own timeline and its own logic and does not particularly care about your release schedule or your nerves or the fifteen years you have been carrying these characters around in your heart.

Bella is stalled. Her boys are waiting. There is nothing to do about it right now except wait.

So I am doing what writers do when one door slams shut on them: I am wandering through the other rooms. There are other projects. There are always other projects when you have three pen names and approximately a hundred books in various states of completion, and right now that particular abundance is genuinely a comfort. Something is always moving forward even when something else is stuck.

It is not the forward motion I wanted today.

But it is forward motion, and I am choosing to count it. Amazon will sort itself out. Or it won’t and I’ll have to go a few rounds with it, which is a battle I will fight when I get there. For now — other projects, more tea, a colouring book taking shape on the table, and a cross stitch box waiting for its moment.

And the cats, who are blissfully unbothered by publishing platforms and have, as ever, the right idea.

🖤 🏒

Peaking, Poultry Diplomacy, and the Audacity of Sleep

I am, by any reasonable measure, peaking.

One book in the world. One two weeks from release. The second books in both series queuing up behind them like very patient, very demanding children who know their turn is coming. Life at the moment is an unending carousel of blog posts and release dates and Instagram content and newsletter chains and trying to remember which pen name needs what and when, and I am riding it with all the grace of someone who only yesterday slept until one forty in the afternoon.

In my defence — and I do have a defence — I only went to sleep after the sun came up. So technically it wasn’t a late start so much as a very committed finish to the previous day. This is the story I’m telling and I’m not taking questions.

My cousin, who is a saint among people, fed the fur babies for me while I was horizontal and completely unavailable to the world. I owe her something nice. Possibly several somethings.

Tomorrow is a real day with real tasks. Jo and I are going shopping — groceries, chicken feed, the great recycling of the accumulated drink containers which have reached a volume I’m not going to specify publicly. And we need to find some solution to the poultry situation, which has become a matter of some delicacy.

The birds have been visiting the neighbours.

Not in an aggressive way. Not in a way that suggests anything other than genuine sociable interest in what is happening next door. But poultry are not, it turns out, universally welcomed as impromptu visitors, and the neighbours have expressed that they would prefer their yard to remain a poultry-optional space. I feel this is a reasonable position to hold and I am not unsympathetic. The birds, however, have opinions about fences that I can only describe as flexible.

They are poultry. Not social butterflies. Someone needs to explain this to them.

We have also been continuing our Supernatural rewatch, which has introduced a complication I was not prepared for.

Jensen Ackles crying.

I am a grown woman of a certain age. I am, in fact, old enough to be his grandmother, a fact I am choosing to hold loosely because it is not helpful to anyone. And yet. Tears on those lashes do something to my nervous system that I cannot fully explain or justify and am not going to try. There is an instinct that fires — part maternal, part something that is absolutely not maternal — that just wants to make it better. All of it better. Not always in a PG manner. I said what I said.

I am not proud. I am also not sorry. He started it.

Anyway. One book in the world. One two weeks out. The cycle beginning again. The blogs continuing. The Instagram posts requiring their regular feeding. The chickens wandering wherever they like and the cats negotiating their complicated feelings about Pusheens.

And Dean Winchester somewhere in the middle of all of it, being unreasonably beautiful about his feelings.

This is the life. I have chosen it completely and I would choose it again.

After a sleep, though. Preferably before sunrise this time.

🖤 🏒

The Night Before

Today was slow in the way that days are slow when your brain is running at approximately four hundred kilometres an hour underneath the surface of everything. Outwardly: not much. Inwardly: a complete disaster, but a functional one.

I cannot decide if I am proud or terrified. Both, I think. Mostly both, simultaneously, with no clear winner.

Here is the thing that is sitting with me tonight. I come from fanfic. A long history in fanfic, years of it, and if you know that world then you know exactly what I mean when I say that fanfic readers are ruthless. Not all of them, and not without reason — they care deeply and they know their subjects and they will find the thing you got wrong at two in the morning on a Tuesday and they will have feelings about it in the comments. I have been on the receiving end of that particular flavour of feedback and it leaves a mark.

Screenshot

And now I am putting original work into a world that contains those same readers, and every instinct I have developed over years of that experience is quietly losing its mind.

I have been juggling these boys in words since 2018. I have done everything I can short of actually living their lives for them. I have researched and rewritten and edited and refined and had the whole thing pulled apart and put back together, and I still lie awake wondering if there is something I’ve missed, something someone will find, something that will give anyone a reason to drop negativity on my babies.

I know, logically, that I cannot control that. I know it. The logic is right there, very clear, completely accessible, and absolutely no comfort whatsoever.

But. The websites are functional. Not perfect — I want to be transparent about the not perfect — but functional, which is considerably better than where we were forty-eight hours ago. The newsletter welcome chains for both currently publishing authors are finished and in place. The things that needed doing got done, even on a slow day, even while quietly freaking out.

Tomorrow it goes into the wild.

I’m going to stop chewing my nails now. Or try. We’ll see how that goes.

Dead Hockey, Live Bugs, and the Truth About Pusheens

Hockey is dead to me.

I want to be clear about this. Not resting. Not on hiatus. Dead. Stone cold, no pulse, do not attempt resuscitation. My choices for this year’s Stanley Cup are, and I say this with the full weight of my feelings on the matter, assholes or cheating assholes. Neither of them is worthy of Lord Stanley’s Cup. Neither of them deserves to so much as be in the same room as it. I knew you’d agree with me. You’re very sensible.

I’m not talking about it anymore. It’s dead. Moving on.

We started a rewatch of Supernatural tonight.

We are up to episode eight. Bugs. For those of you who have seen it, you already know. For those of you who haven’t — imagine every creeping, crawling, flying, scuttling nightmare creature that has ever made you reconsider your relationship with the outdoors, and then put all of them in one episode, and then make them angry.

Tarantulas. Cockroaches. Ants. Bees. A comprehensive survey of the reasons I am sometimes very glad to be indoors, delivered in one convenient forty-five minute package. I did not enjoy that episode. I watched it through my fingers for portions of it and I am not ashamed to admit that.

What I will admit, without a single shred of shame, is that Jensen Ackles was an absolutely ridiculous young man. Pretty in a way that was frankly inconsiderate. Crackers in bed would not have been an issue. That’s all I’m going to say about that and I stand by every word of it.

And finally — the Pusheen situation has resolved itself in the most unexpectedly wholesome way possible.

It was never about the bed.

Miss Pretty does not want the Pusheen. Miss Pretty wants Miss Hopalong. The bed is simply where Hopalong is, which makes it the correct and only location as far as Pretty is concerned. She is not defending territory. She is not being difficult. She is grieving her wingwoman and she has selected her replacement and she is simply committed to the arrangement whether Hopalong has fully signed off on it yet or not.

Honestly? I understand her completely.

More tomorrow. There is apparently always more tomorrow.

🖤 🏒

Two Pusheens and Burger KingWilly

I promised you a quiet pre-release day post and instead you’re getting this, which I think is more representative of life around here anyway.

Yesterday was not, as it turns out, the calm and focused day I had planned and partially convinced myself I was having. It was, in fact, quite a lot of things in fairly rapid succession.

First: I went to town and bought a second Pusheen. This felt like an elegant solution to the ongoing territorial dispute between Hopalong and Pretty, the logic being that if there are two beds there is nothing left to fight over and harmony will naturally follow.

Neither cat wants either bed now.

I want it on the record that I considered this purchase carefully and the cats have collectively made a mockery of my reasoning. They are both, as far as I can tell, perfectly comfortable on other surfaces. The Pusheens sit there looking soft and inviting and completely ignored. I have no further comment.

Almost immediately upon arriving home I was turned around and deposited at the local school trivia night, which was an adventure in the very best sense. Our team — the Educated Guessers, which I think is an excellent name and I stand by it — came fourth out of eight, which is not our finest performance historically but is still a respectable middle and I will not hear otherwise.

I will probably never forget the answer Burger King Willy for as long as I live. I won’t tell you the question. Some things are better experienced than explained.

It was a genuinely good night, and I may have — entirely casually, purely in the spirit of conversation — pimped one of my releasing books to anyone within reasonable earshot. If you happened to be at that trivia night and you are now curious about hockey romance, hello, welcome, I am not sorry.

Came home. Went to bed. Did not pass go.

Today has also been a lot, and I will be back later with the full laundry list once I’ve lived enough of it to report on. Consider this the warm-up act.

🖤 🏒

No Big Adventures Today

This morning looked promising. I want to be clear about that — I woke up with genuine optimism and a list and everything. The day had other ideas, as days around here tend to, and by the time I’d finished my first cup of tea the showers were already building on the horizon with that particular Tasmanian determination that means they’re not going anywhere in a hurry.

So. Inside day it is.

The Pusheen situation continues to develop in unexpected ways. Miss Hopalong, having apparently decided that possession is nine tenths of the law, has dug in with a commitment that I find frankly impressive. She has abandoned her spot by the fire — which, if you know cats, you will understand is not a sacrifice made lightly — purely to maintain territorial control of the Pusheen. Pretty is presumably circling. Hopalong is unmoved. The fire burns unoccupied. Some battles are worth the cost.

My plan for today was websites. Both of them, ideally, with enough momentum to make a meaningful dent in the approximately seventeen things that need doing before launch. What actually happened was that a small ginger braincell attached himself to my dominant arm with the quiet certainty of someone who has made a decision and will not be revisited on the matter, and so I adapted (because he was Mumu’s brother and he’s grieving), as one does, and spent the time performing the last edit run on Isolated instead.

Which means the hockey romance may be done sooner than expected. Which means breathing space before the marketing push on the military romance. Which is, genuinely, good news.

And yet. Marketing.

I knew writing was work. I have always known writing was work — I have the manuscripts and the late nights and the four-in-the-morning rewrites to prove it. What I did not fully appreciate, and what is becoming clearer to me with every passing day, is that the writing is actually the easy part. The writing is the part I know how to do. The marketing is a learning curve that appears, from where I’m standing, to extend well beyond the visible horizon in both directions.

There is also the small mystery of why one of my author blogs does not appear to be picking up subscribers the way the other one is. My sister’s theory is that hockey romance is simply the flavour of the month and that explains the discrepancy entirely, and she may well be right. But I have that nagging feeling, the one that sits just behind your sternum and won’t be argued with, that I am doing something wrong and I haven’t identified it yet. I’m not going to catastrophise about it. I’m just going to quietly suspect myself until I figure it out.

Tomorrow. Websites. Possibly.

🖤 🏒

Signs of Life (and Slightly Less Swearing)

I am going to attempt an upbeat post today. Bear with me. I’m a little out of practice.

Here is what I can report: Luke came. Luke delivered. The powerpoints are done — we are almost completely electrically sorted, which is the kind of sentence that sounds mundane until you have been living without it being true, at which point it is frankly cause for celebration.

And the internet.

Oh, the internet.

I will not dwell on the full experience because some of it is not fit for a family blog, but I will say this: three hours on the phone with Telstra, four — four — factory resets of the modem, and a sustained act of collective human will later, we appear to have stable internet. I am using the word appears deliberately and with full awareness of my own trauma. I am cautiously optimistic in the way that you are cautiously optimistic about something that has betrayed you repeatedly and at the worst possible moments. But right now, in this moment, it is working, and I am choosing to accept that as a win.

Which means that tomorrow I might — might — be able to wrap my head around the websites. Which I need to do because, as it turns out, it is four days until my very first book is live in the world.

Four days.

I would like to tell you I am handling this with grace and equanimity. I would like to tell you that. What is actually happening is that I am cycling between cranky and stressed, gleeful and nervous, sometimes all four in the same ten minutes, with no predictable pattern and very little warning. The cats have noticed. They are keeping a respectful distance, which honestly shows good judgement on their part.

Four days.

We’ll see how that whole shenanigan goes.

🖤 🏒